Why exactly are you here?

As an instructor, and I'm sure some can relate to this, I will often join in with my colleagues whenever there is a discussion going on about students, teachers, policies, etc. which will then usually become a long-winded event. Whether it's the quality of the incoming students or lack thereof, or perhaps the questionable competence of a particular instructor, I can cluck with the best of hens in the coop. But sometimes, my fellow colleagues just piss me off.

Once in awhile, I'll use something to remind myself of why I love this profession and/or why there's always opportunities to improve it. Well, sometimes I find that my colleagues need a prodding reminder like this as well. I'm not sure if I do this consciously, but every now and then I'll turn a discussion around in a direction opposite from where it was heading particularly if I begin to see a bit of hypocrisy seeping into the discussion. This is not in an attempt at attacking a personal position of a colleague, rather at an attempt to remind them why they chose the field of education for a career. For example, last summer a student, nearing the end of his last semester in our program, was scraping up spare change for gas money, asking friends and classmates, so he could still come to school. This eventually made its way to me, his instructor and academic adviser. So, I decided to pull a little weight (and with my girth I've got quite a lot of that) and I sought out a position at a local manufacturing company that I thought he would be good at. I referred him to the HR director there and a week later, we was learning how to setup and operate machines and earning a good wage - complete with very nice benefits (especially for private sector employment.) This was a story I had used to derail a conversation about how so many of today's youths are privileged and that they're "living off of the government tit." He reckoned, none of them knew the meaning of hard work. My colleague began to talk like a sound bite from a television add for the GOP. I wasn't trying to disprove what that person was saying. To be fair, the student I'm referring to was a combat veteran (Army) with one term of enlistment completed. But the individual who started this discussion was known for making broad generalizations of large swaths of people; something I try hard to avoid, and sometimes still manage to fail at.

Now, I'm not trying to "toot my own horn" about this, far from it. In fact, this is where I throw a bit of self-doubt into this story, because recently, in a similar discussion as before, I used a similar story to reverse the direction of a conversation with a colleague. But then I started to think deeper on this issue and I realized just how often I see someone struggling in life. Not necessarily just in terms of finances, but a variety of aspects of just life in general. Actually "doubt" isn't the proper word here, anger may be more appropriate. I don't doubt that I try my best and that I'm good at what I do. I don't doubt myself so much to the point that I become indecisive. But whenever I'm alone and in a quiet place, I'll go deep into my thoughts and think back about decisions that I've made where I may have done better, not as a form of self-torture but rather as a mental note for the constantly updating self-guide to my life and profession in case I ever come across a similar situation like that one decision again.

Take, for example, the student with a traumatic brain injury that applied several semesters ago to our program - a machine shop program. By law, no one can deny that individual a chance at an education in the machine shop if he is able to meet the physical demands of the trade. But regardless of the law, I strongly believe that everyone should have a chance at improving their education. It's actually part of my educational philosophy. I saw no reason to make an exception with this person. Who cares that he has an educable disability? I welcomed this person into the program with open arms and fellow colleague's snickers behind my back, something I've not forgotten. I welcomed the challenge that this student will give us and looked forward to the experience. One semester later, he was almost in tears after we met with him and the special needs coordinator for the last time to tell him that he's out of the program. I was nearly too heartbroken to inform him that he is just too dangerous in this trade for his own good. Note: his injuries affected his retention and recall abilities and information he learned the day before simply would not stick in his mind, at least not with the limited amount of repetition he could get from our courses. He needed much more than our courses could provide. One thing this student had that I'll always admire him for, determination. If I could have given him an "A" just for his effort, I would have. If there was a grade higher than an "A" in a class based on effort, he would be at the top of his class. He just had it in his mind that he was going to earn a certificate as a regular student and not seek vocational rehabilitation. The same semester, the following year, that student was graduating a with a certificate in an automotive customer service program. He now works for a local dealership in their customer service department.

Being so eager to welcome that student in the program may or may not have been a bit of naivety on my part. But it's decisions/situations like those that I'll reflect back on - again, not as a form of self-torture, but to think to myself, did I do the right thing? What could have I done different? I have a habit of zeroing in on the bottom line, which can sometimes lead to difficult but necessary decisions that have to be made. Was that student truly dangerous to himself in the machine shop? Yes, he was. At some point, did it become obvious that were he allowed to continue that there is high risk of injury? Absolutely. Was the decision and act to inform him just a gut-retching experience that I never want to do again? Of course. Was it still the right thing to do to welcome that student into the program? You'd better believe it. I would be such a hypocrite and so dishonorable if I were to make a decision against my educational philosophy. I don't think I could live with any other decision. That very same colleague and I were in a discussion about the quality of the students currently entering our programs and how our school should take a hard line against this kind of "government legislative interfering" with our business; and that student's story was an example I used to demonstrate why I think that a position like that is wrong. I don't doubt that the public school system has a lot of room for improvement. But that doesn't mean that I get to tell graduating high school seniors, "Sorry, you're just too stupid to come into this program. Good luck elsewhere." That colleague, and note that I stated "colleague" and not friend, is quite brilliant and holds a PhD in an engineering degree, yet the only knowledge and skill I've seen him demonstrate as if it were a natural aptitude is his ability to whine constantly. Sometimes I just want to grab him by his shoulders and yell into his face, "Why exactly are you here?"

I'll admit, I complain about students too. Have you ever heard of a high school graduate that couldn't do fractions? We used to have one like that. Has anyone ever met a person so creative and so brilliant yet so astronomically lazy that they refused to put forth any effort beyond a grade of "D"? I've had a student like that as well. And I know that practically every instructor out there has had those students, year after year, semester after semester, with grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, and/or other obscure yet truly loved distant relatives that has just died and he/she (the student) will need (insert special consideration, extra time, "give me a break", and/or some other lenient accommodation here). I've had more than my fair share of slackers, simpletons, scoundrels and shams, but they're certainly not the majority. The point to my rant is that it's all of the other students that I remind myself why I chose education as a profession. It's that Hispanic student with a severe accent that has never attended any post-secondary school (post high school) for an opportunity at higher education - and ultimately became a star for the machine shop program. It's that displaced worker just trying to find another trade to go into with the hope that he/she can find employment after graduating - and winds up getting a job better than the one he/she had before. It's that young lady that never really had a lot of self-confidence and never pushed herself harder to try and go further than she thought possible of herself - and now works as the team leader over a team of production machine operators. That's the reason why I keep teaching. Those are the reasons I use to remind myself why I love what I do. And those are the reasons why I take every semester and every new group of students in with open arms, and not grudging suspicion.

I'll stop ranting here and leave you with a short story (in the next post) that I wrote, didn't finish, wrote again, didn't finish, lost then found it, then forgot about it, and finally decided to complete it. I had originally intended to enter this story into the student/faculty/staff writing contest our school has every year. It's about a dream I had right around the time the student with the traumatic brain injury was applying for the machine shop program. Incidentally, this was also around the time the symptoms of my sleep apnea became noticeable, although I had not yet realized how the symptoms were becoming progressively more severe.

A Flash of Just a Bit of Creativity - and Inspiration?

How Far Will I Go?

How far will I go? Will I eventually lose the ability to keep myself fed and clothed during these tough times? If so, will I have the mental capacity to adapt, change, and overcome the challenges? Will I ever get too skilled or too knowledgeable that I out-qualify any hiring requirements? Will my mind become so inflexible that I become obsolete? If so, will I know when that day comes?

How far will I go? Will I overcome the challenges in the future to educate myself, to keep myself marketable? Can I continue an education and work full-time professionally? Will I be able to handle those stresses in life? Am I able to continue to learn new things, fantastic things, things undreamt of no more than twenty years ago? I’m not so young that I’m inexperienced, nor am I so old that I can no longer learn. But will I ever be so old that I become inexperienced and not young enough to learn?

How far will I go? Will my health gradually deteriorate to the point where I need someone to take care of me? When will this happen? And when will it affect my work? Will my work that I dearly love, and sometimes, love to hate, no longer have any meaning? I consider myself a hard worker, but I’m tired. I feel just a bit more tired every day…every year. My hands, worn with a bit of age, a shop career, and a mechanical background, ache just a bit more every day…every year. Does this mean I’m simply working too hard, or simply getting old?

How far will I go?

How far will I go?

I will always go as far as I can, just to see how far I can go. I will always be mindful of the future, but live for the day. There’s no need to worry over things that have not yet happened, or may never happen. I will always try to remind myself that I am human, I make mistakes, and I forget things. I will always try the best that I can at whatever I’m doing. That’s my nature. I don’t know how to do anything else. I don’t know how to get up in the morning and say, “Today, I’m going to do whatever I can to not learn anything at all.” Trying my best means I will always remain fascinated at the latest and greatest in knowledge, skill, and technology. Because I know, not more than twenty years ago, the world, my world, didn’t quite have the same level of skill, knowledge, and technology that it has today. And twenty years from now, who knows what the latest and greatest will bring? Who can possibly predict what marvels we'll see? Exciting times! Being the best that I can means adapting when I need, learning as I go, and knowing when to slow down, take a breather, and maybe have a good laugh every now and then. Doing the best that I can means taking care of myself, mentally as well as physically. Sure, I may not be as successful as others. I may not be as successful in one area or more successful in other areas. But I’ll always be as successful as I can be, just to see how far I can go.

I R teh Healz!

Well how about that? A post! Kind reader…this is going to be a somewhat harsh rant on a variety of things in Wow. Please understand that I am venting and that, in no way, I am offering any sort of advice, ideas, solutions, etc. to the issues I will be addressing. There’s nothing important to see/read here, move along please.

This is a rant…

This is a rant of the emergency blogging rant system. This is only a rant. Had this been an actual, intelligent post it would have been awesome and would’ve most likely contained information relevant to the reader, as well as possible instructions on how to find sturdy desk, table, wall, etc. and to constantly slam one’s forehead into it for various reasons. This is only a rant.

Of Biscuits and noobsauce…

I think some people (students) must believe that I’m a psychic with an amazing ability to read minds. This is because of the fact that despite attempts to illicit questions from students that do not fully understand a lesson, and not receive any questions, I’m still surprised by the fact that a student will still fail a test.

Ok, first a bit of background. Yes, I’m an instructor. I teach machining technology or “machine shop” at a community college. Due to the technical nature of this trade and its impact in the classroom, the safety concerns of operating machinery, and a bit of mathematical skill needed in this field, I can honestly say that students are the reason why I’ve lost more hair on my head than from male-pattern baldness.

I know people don’t want to seem “dumb” or “slow” to their peers. But it just amazes me that students will hold back questions about material that they don’t understand, particularly with a post-secondary education, just because they might be too embarrassed to ask. Literally, I am dumbfounded when I realize a student has been doing this. It always shows through when an assessment comes and he/she not simply fails it but completely bombs it. This is always frustrating to me because, up until that point, I’ve usually not heard any questions about the material being taught. My job as an instructor is to provide training in a field, assess how well the student is progressing, and provide appropriate advisement if a student is not performing to a standard. To students, this might seem as if I’m saying “My job is to fail students who can’t make the cut.” But, that isn’t how I approach my job. I look at it as an opportunity to work closer with students that aren’t performing well, give them additional help or projects, and spend additional time with those students doing more projects in the shop, which, means more experience for the student, and therefore, more time to learn this trade. I don’t “fail students who can’t cut it” in the program. In reality, students fail themselves in my classes. It truly takes about as much work to fail my classes versus the amount of work it takes to pass them. I’ve set up the expectations, grading policy, and attendance policy in such a way, that, students who are failing do so because of no effort, or worse, try to bullshit their way through the semester by exerting as much effort as possible towards excuses, or by working diligently at not working. And despite repeating warnings to those students who do this, most are genuinely surprised to learn that they will fail!

I leveled my main character (warrior) as dps fury spec, back in the end days of BC content. At the time, the cap was 70. But doing this didn’t simply magically happen by itself. I learned by doing and sometimes I learned by failing. But, I also learned from others. I asked questions. I did the research, read the “qq-ing” on the forums, watched the tutorial videos on YouTube from folks like the Yogscast, TotalBiscuit, Tankspot (now ZAMOfficial), gamers like Swifty and of course, TheGreatMe (yes there is a warrior formally known by that name.) And, I learned. This is where I see people struggle the most, such as everyday, average “Joe Schmo” players like myself. I am sincerely trying my best not to seem elitist here. But I can’t understand why some players would rather not ask any questions concerning a boss fight, or, not ask any questions about how to progress through a particular instance.

When Cataclysm was announced, and the major changes to game play, end game content, class changes, etc., it was very clear that this expansion was going to alter fundamental attributes to the game. For example, instances where tanks were no longer the armored threat magnets that they use to be (with exception of course) that could simply stand in front of a boss or mob and spam an aoe ability to keep ahead on threat for the dps. Healers, no longer have infinite mana pools to draw from and must manage what type of healing spells are needed to keep a fight alive – often at the health expense of many dps. A healer couldn’t simply spam a particular spell and expect to keep everyone in a group at topped health. And of course, dps can no longer simply spam a couple of buttons and grind a foe down, even if he/she picked up aggro and the target began to attack the dps instead of the tank. Threat HAD to be managed and everyone HAD to be situationally aware. Any type of void zone, aoe spell effect, etc. HAD to be avoided if any group member wanted to survive the new instances. And then, of course, there were new fight mechanics players had to learn if they wanted to survive. Some fight mechanics can easily one-shot tanks despite the best healers available. But the bottom line is that it should be very obvious to all players, new and experienced, that Wow is no longer WotLK. It is now Cataclysm. Yet, for some reason, this revelation has not hit many players and continues to elude other, more experienced players despite their time in game. And in spite of the massive changes to Wow, and the increased time needed to complete the more challenging instances, people still want to try to burn through an instance (Halls of Origination for example) as if it were a quick, 20-minute-max, Violet Hold from WotLK.

So, how does psychic reading come into play here? Simple, so many pug runs I’ve been in seem to be populated by folks that just assume you know what they’re thinking. So many pug dps just assume that the tank will automatically hold threat and that they (dps) can remain blissfully unaware of their threat levels or where they’re standing (say for example, FIRE) and spam one or two buttons to their heart’s content. Never mind that the tank may very well be a newly leveled 85 fresh from completing the Twilight Highlands quests. So many pug tanks just assume that despite the massive changes in Wow, a party need not worry about CC (crowd control) and that the healer/casters should easily out heal/dps any benefit CC would bring. Never mind the fact that some mobs can silence, stun, hex, banish, etc. any group member (including the tank and healer) and completely throw off the group’s abilities to survive the fight. And so many pug healers…

Well now there’s a problem, isn’t there? Up until fairly recently, I didn’t come across too many of those. Unless you were a healer or tank, the time waiting in queue could easily get as high as 45 minutes.

I’m reminded of the new level 85 pally tank that kept running through recent heroic halls of origination run so fast that our healer literally oom’ed midway in the first boss fight, not because of high tank damage but because we didn’t stop to allow mana regeneration. Afterwards, the healer asked, “Why didn’t you wait for mana?” Response, “I just assumed that you knew what you were doing.” There is it folks, that “ass-you-me” thing. The irony here is that the tank obviously didn’t completely know what he was doing because if he did then he would’ve known that his healer needed to mana up before the boss fight. This is a healer/caster mechanic that I have a habit of paying close attention to whenever I tank. Of course, we wiped on a boss, the blame game started and the insults came, and the group fell apart. If you’re a healer and you’ve hit regulars and heroics in cata, then you know exactly what I’m talking about.

The first time I healed a cata regular instance, one of the melee dps died at the first pull. Now, I’ll admit, that was probably my fault as I was still learning the changes to healing since the expansion hit. Well, that player decided that one death (keep in mind we didn’t wipe) was one too many and quit the party and the instance. I remember the player typing in party chat, “grate noob heals” before he left. And yes, that is the exact spelling he used. I would love to see how much drama a person like that creates in real life on the job. I imagine a scenario, “Smith, we’ll need you to stay about an extra 30 minutes today. The second shift fella’ called and he’s going to be late.” Smith, “Gah! L-2-manage this shit better nub! This is too much! I just can’t take this anymore!” /Storms-off. On the other hand, I suppose it’s a good thing that I don’t see that kind of drama in real life. I would probably have spent time in jail for smacking an individual that acts that way. To quote a dear relative, “I’d a reached all da way back last Wednesday and slapped da taste out yo mouth!” As a Wow player, I understand that we all have to start somewhere – including healers. But we improve, we learn, and we grow as a player (and hopefully as a person) as we continue to play the game. I just so wish that other players would realize this as well.

In my opinion, I think healers have the hardest time in new instances, because most healers can level as a dps first, and then switch to a heal spec after reaching the level cap or after dual spec comes available. This means that there is a tougher learning curve for a healer who’s just reached the cap and item level requirements for regular instances. Hitting an instance as a healer pug can quickly earn you friends or enemies. This is because as a new capped healer, you’ve got to learn your “rotation” very quickly, especially if you’ve leveled as dps. You need to have a very good understanding about talents, mana efficiency, and boss abilities. If you’re unclear about any of these, you could very well have some player deaths during instances. You could easily wipe the party on challenging trash pulls even in regular instances.

With queue times for instances now finally starting to come down to a reasonable length, I decided to address this issue as best as I could. Now, I realize that this will reach very few people, but it is my hope that it will reach at least a few people that really need the help. So, let me write down some things I’ve learned as a dps and sometimes tank, by playing a healer. I’ve decided to put it into a letter format. I hope it helps:

To the newly leveled 85 player,

Congratulations on your completion of the first assessment of your abilities to follow basic instructions. It is our (your fellow players) hope that you continue your journey into higher aspects of this great game we play. To start with, let me be among the first of your fellow players that you probably don’t know to welcome you to this “next level” of game play. It is an exciting time and can often be quite challenging. Well, in case you already didn’t know, there are three basic roles your character may be able to fulfill, tank, dps, and healer. Now, clearly not all classes can be one of each, but a lot do have the ability to choose more than one role. For example, warriors can be melee dps or tank. I would highly recommend viewing the options for the specs for your class or any other class on such fine websites such as Wowhead, World of Warcraft, Elitist Jerks, TankSpot or even simply viewing other classes to see their choices in specs. This “research” is vital to give yourself a better understanding of what your role could be. But I’ll do my best to give you a short break down.

If you’re a dps, then please understand – everyone that’s not a dps hates you. There. It had to be said. Now, your healer and tank don’t hate you because you might accidentally pull threat. That happens to all of us. Even experienced players sometimes let their guard down and pull aggro from the tank. No big deal. The reason why your healer and tank will hate you is because you seem to do this on a regular basis. And, with the Cataclysm changes in place, once you pull aggro your tank, your healer will not be able to keep you alive for very long, if at all. And that’s assuming if your healer wants keep you alive in the first place. Some of your future healers will reminisce about the “good ol’days” when it didn’t matter that the inexperienced dps could pull aggro and still survive a fight. The healer could just keep spamming that one good heal/shield/etc. button and that errant dps should be ok. But those days are long gone. You must learn very quickly that, if you wish to survive, don’t hit anything that the tank isn’t hitting. You will pull aggro, and you will get killed for it. So please, try to watch what you hit, how hard you’re hitting it, and if anything (including spells) is hitting you. While you’re at it, you may want to take some time and research your class. Many classes now have a very handy CC ability. Learn how it works and your healer and tank will appreciate you for it. And for fuck’s sake, please be aware of where you’re standing.

If you’re a tank, then please understand – everyone that’s not a tank hates you. There. It had to be said. Now, understand that everyone knows it’s your job to absorb the damage and keep threat up off of everyone in the party. But that doesn't mean that you are the epic and mighty so-and-so and that everyone should scrape and bow to your perceived greatness. The rest of your party got there the same way you did, through leveling up. Also, please realize particularly if you’re a tank without mana that all magic users, not just healers, but any caster, needs to regenerate mana between pulls. Yes, some casters have very mana efficient spells and some can even sacrifice health for mana. However, your healer, unless he/she is well-geared, needs that time to drink/eat mana regenerating items, not only to regenerate mana, but to keep his/her sanity. Just because you have to absorb damage doesn’t meant that you don’t have to be aware of your group members. And thanks to the changes in Wow with Cataclysm, so many classes have CC now. There’s no reason not to use it. By CC’ing a mob with a silence, stun, hex, banish, etc. you can ensure that your healer won’t have difficulty getting those heals out to you. You can ensure that dps can focus fire down a particularly challenging mob. It simply helps the party’s survivability. And for fuck’s sake, please be aware of where you’re standing.

And finally, if you’re a healer, then please understand, everyone that’s not a healer – hates you. There. It had to be said. Mainly because you’ve leveled all this way to the cap as a dps and now you're having to learn an entirely different rotation. You’ll have to spend some time and effort learning what works and what doesn’t work. And unfortunately, the learning curve for this is quite steep. You’ve got very little time in an instance to figure out which spells are more efficient and which spells are instant cast. Guess what will happen in group instances during this time? Players will die. Tanks will die. Groups will wipe. And, it’s going to suck. It wouldn’t hurt to develop a thick skin before starting your role as a healer in LFG. Do yourself a big favor, research your class, learn what the different spells do and which spells are best used in certain situations, learn tips and tricks to managing your mana. And for fuck’s sake, please be aware of where you’re standing.

Well I hope that this letter will be beneficial. If you happen to wipe (and I'm guessing you will), try to think what the other people in the party must be feeling. Just think of those poor dps’ers that have put so much effort into their “deeps” and not much else. How about that tank/healer that just can’t be bothered to run through an instance at a slow, steady pace because he/she has other things to do besides Wow? Just think of how insensitive you must look to those players.

So, if you are a newly capped player, please “L2(insert skill here)” or “L2notsuckpl0xkthnxbai” and pretty soon you’ll get along just fine.

Another attempt at some creative writing there. I'd like to add that, if you’re a healer, don’t give up. It got really tough for me. I’ll admit that I’m not the best healer. Sure I was able to make it through regulars for the most part without too much trouble, maybe just a bit at the beginning. But the heroics are challenging. I tried four attempts at a pug heroic stonecore and all were unsuccessful. The fifth attempt was a guild run with guildies willing to put up with my failness and swearing (and I’m good at that.) Understand that, the previous attempts were not attempts to complete stonecore specifically. Those attempts were just LFG queues and I had the bad luck of getting heroic stonecore every single time. The reason I stuck with it was because my healer has no current tier level equipment save for a profession crafted item. If he’s to advance at all, he has to complete LFGs for the valor points. Fortunately, we managed to kill the last boss without much trouble and my healer picked up a couple of heroic level blues. Of those previous attempts, I nearly swore off healing altogether. I’ve come close to doing that before due to puggery and asshattery. This time it seemed that I might actually do it. But I’m glad that I didn’t. I got to heal that same heroic (and complete it!) with some guildies on their alts and overall, I’d say that I had a pretty good time doing it. Kudos to my friends and fellow guild mates for that.

Just hang in there!