Once in awhile, I'll use something to remind myself of why I love this profession and/or why there's always opportunities to improve it. Well, sometimes I find that my colleagues need a prodding reminder like this as well. I'm not sure if I do this consciously, but every now and then I'll turn a discussion around in a direction opposite from where it was heading particularly if I begin to see a bit of hypocrisy seeping into the discussion. This is not in an attempt at attacking a personal position of a colleague, rather at an attempt to remind them why they chose the field of education for a career. For example, last summer a student, nearing the end of his last semester in our program, was scraping up spare change for gas money, asking friends and classmates, so he could still come to school. This eventually made its way to me, his instructor and academic adviser. So, I decided to pull a little weight (and with my girth I've got quite a lot of that) and I sought out a position at a local manufacturing company that I thought he would be good at. I referred him to the HR director there and a week later, we was learning how to setup and operate machines and earning a good wage - complete with very nice benefits (especially for private sector employment.) This was a story I had used to derail a conversation about how so many of today's youths are privileged and that they're "living off of the government tit." He reckoned, none of them knew the meaning of hard work. My colleague began to talk like a sound bite from a television add for the GOP. I wasn't trying to disprove what that person was saying. To be fair, the student I'm referring to was a combat veteran (Army) with one term of enlistment completed. But the individual who started this discussion was known for making broad generalizations of large swaths of people; something I try hard to avoid, and sometimes still manage to fail at.
Now, I'm not trying to "toot my own horn" about this, far from it. In fact, this is where I throw a bit of self-doubt into this story, because recently, in a similar discussion as before, I used a similar story to reverse the direction of a conversation with a colleague. But then I started to think deeper on this issue and I realized just how often I see someone struggling in life. Not necessarily just in terms of finances, but a variety of aspects of just life in general. Actually "doubt" isn't the proper word here, anger may be more appropriate. I don't doubt that I try my best and that I'm good at what I do. I don't doubt myself so much to the point that I become indecisive. But whenever I'm alone and in a quiet place, I'll go deep into my thoughts and think back about decisions that I've made where I may have done better, not as a form of self-torture but rather as a mental note for the constantly updating self-guide to my life and profession in case I ever come across a similar situation like that one decision again.
Take, for example, the student with a traumatic brain injury that applied several semesters ago to our program - a machine shop program. By law, no one can deny that individual a chance at an education in the machine shop if he is able to meet the physical demands of the trade. But regardless of the law, I strongly believe that everyone should have a chance at improving their education. It's actually part of my educational philosophy. I saw no reason to make an exception with this person. Who cares that he has an educable disability? I welcomed this person into the program with open arms and fellow colleague's snickers behind my back, something I've not forgotten. I welcomed the challenge that this student will give us and looked forward to the experience. One semester later, he was almost in tears after we met with him and the special needs coordinator for the last time to tell him that he's out of the program. I was nearly too heartbroken to inform him that he is just too dangerous in this trade for his own good. Note: his injuries affected his retention and recall abilities and information he learned the day before simply would not stick in his mind, at least not with the limited amount of repetition he could get from our courses. He needed much more than our courses could provide. One thing this student had that I'll always admire him for, determination. If I could have given him an "A" just for his effort, I would have. If there was a grade higher than an "A" in a class based on effort, he would be at the top of his class. He just had it in his mind that he was going to earn a certificate as a regular student and not seek vocational rehabilitation. The same semester, the following year, that student was graduating a with a certificate in an automotive customer service program. He now works for a local dealership in their customer service department.
Being so eager to welcome that student in the program may or may not have been a bit of naivety on my part. But it's decisions/situations like those that I'll reflect back on - again, not as a form of self-torture, but to think to myself, did I do the right thing? What could have I done different? I have a habit of zeroing in on the bottom line, which can sometimes lead to difficult but necessary decisions that have to be made. Was that student truly dangerous to himself in the machine shop? Yes, he was. At some point, did it become obvious that were he allowed to continue that there is high risk of injury? Absolutely. Was the decision and act to inform him just a gut-retching experience that I never want to do again? Of course. Was it still the right thing to do to welcome that student into the program? You'd better believe it. I would be such a hypocrite and so dishonorable if I were to make a decision against my educational philosophy. I don't think I could live with any other decision. That very same colleague and I were in a discussion about the quality of the students currently entering our programs and how our school should take a hard line against this kind of "government legislative interfering" with our business; and that student's story was an example I used to demonstrate why I think that a position like that is wrong. I don't doubt that the public school system has a lot of room for improvement. But that doesn't mean that I get to tell graduating high school seniors, "Sorry, you're just too stupid to come into this program. Good luck elsewhere." That colleague, and note that I stated "colleague" and not friend, is quite brilliant and holds a PhD in an engineering degree, yet the only knowledge and skill I've seen him demonstrate as if it were a natural aptitude is his ability to whine constantly. Sometimes I just want to grab him by his shoulders and yell into his face, "Why exactly are you here?"
I'll admit, I complain about students too. Have you ever heard of a high school graduate that couldn't do fractions? We used to have one like that. Has anyone ever met a person so creative and so brilliant yet so astronomically lazy that they refused to put forth any effort beyond a grade of "D"? I've had a student like that as well. And I know that practically every instructor out there has had those students, year after year, semester after semester, with grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, and/or other obscure yet truly loved distant relatives that has just died and he/she (the student) will need (insert special consideration, extra time, "give me a break", and/or some other lenient accommodation here). I've had more than my fair share of slackers, simpletons, scoundrels and shams, but they're certainly not the majority. The point to my rant is that it's all of the other students that I remind myself why I chose education as a profession. It's that Hispanic student with a severe accent that has never attended any post-secondary school (post high school) for an opportunity at higher education - and ultimately became a star for the machine shop program. It's that displaced worker just trying to find another trade to go into with the hope that he/she can find employment after graduating - and winds up getting a job better than the one he/she had before. It's that young lady that never really had a lot of self-confidence and never pushed herself harder to try and go further than she thought possible of herself - and now works as the team leader over a team of production machine operators. That's the reason why I keep teaching. Those are the reasons I use to remind myself why I love what I do. And those are the reasons why I take every semester and every new group of students in with open arms, and not grudging suspicion.
I'll stop ranting here and leave you with a short story (in the next post) that I wrote, didn't finish, wrote again, didn't finish, lost then found it, then forgot about it, and finally decided to complete it. I had originally intended to enter this story into the student/faculty/staff writing contest our school has every year. It's about a dream I had right around the time the student with the traumatic brain injury was applying for the machine shop program. Incidentally, this was also around the time the symptoms of my sleep apnea became noticeable, although I had not yet realized how the symptoms were becoming progressively more severe.
